We are halfway through 2026 – how are those January goals looking? It’s a good time to revisit them and talk about where most of us go wrong.
You think about what you want to achieve and make a plan. I want to get stronger and fitter (goal), so I will walk for 30 minutes every day and go to the gym three times a week (plan).
The problem?
You plan for an ideal week- where nothing goes wrong.
When you and your family aren’t sniffling or sneezing.
When you’re not hammered at work with deadlines or overtime.
When your kids don’t have extra soccer or dance rehearsals scheduled.
It’s like planning a 20-minute trip to the movies and conveniently ignoring the possibility of roadworks and traffic jams.
You plan for the best-case scenario but live in a reality that’s not always idyllic.
The solution?
Make plans for your ‘bad’ days.
Plan small, easy, achievable steps you can do even on your ‘worst’ days when you’re tired and operating on low battery.
These steps can seem small and inconsequential. They’re not.
What makes them powerful is how easy they are. That makes us more likely to take them.
On a ‘bad’ day, I may not be able to walk for 30 minutes, but I know I can walk for 15. On a busy day, there’s no time for a 45-minute gym session, but I can do three sets of squats and bicep curls.
Plan for the worst and make progress every day. Some weeks will be ideal – go all in. Some weeks won’t – keep making those small steps.
Remember – slow progress beats no progress every time.
Permission to Be Rubbish
I ‘like’ to try new things. I tell myself this so I feel more open to the discomfort I know I’m signing up for when I explore something new.
My latest adventure is horse riding. There is physical discomfort the moment I dismount AND mental discomfort that comes with:
Not having a clue what I’m doing.
Being bad at what I’m trying.
Feeling embarrassed by my ineptitude.
So why do it?
I love the experience of starting something new, gradually learning a skill, and becoming a different version of myself. A middle-aged woman who can ride horses and overcome her fear of falling off an extremely large animal she truly has little control over.
That’s what happens when we say yes to trying new things – along the way, we become someone new.
Trying new things doesn’t have to mean huge endeavours. You don’t have to sign up for a marathon or become an astronaut.
It can be learning new plays in mahjong, picking up some conversational phrases for your trip to Japan, joining a book club where you don’t know anyone, or finally attempting that recipe you’ve been bookmarking.
The point isn’t what you try – it’s that you’re willing to be a beginner again. To be a little awkward. To not know what you’re doing.
The discomfort of being a beginner is temporary. The version of yourself you become? That stays.
Growing doesn’t have an age limit. You can be an octogenarian beginner – and that’s something to be proud of, not embarrassed about.
Why Just Be Positive is Terrible Advice
A friend of mine recently lost her job. When she shared the news, another well-meaning friend chirped in, “Everything happens for a reason – something better is just around the corner!”
My friend smiled politely, but deep down she was feeling scared about money, angry about how it happened and worried about what was coming next.
And now she also felt guilty for feeling that way. For not being more positive about it.
I’ve been guilty of rushing in trying to ‘cheer someone up’ when they’re feeling down but here’s what I’m missing when I do.
“Look on the bright side” or “Stay positive’ might sound supportive, but they’re actually dismissive. They imply that people’s true feelings are wrong or unwelcome. It suggests that if they simply chose to see things differently, they wouldn’t feel so bad.
Permission to Feel: Building a Foundation on Honesty
But losing your job is difficult. Of course you’re worried. Of course you’re upset. Those feelings aren’t character flaws – they’re normal human responses to a challenging situation.
When we rush to positive thinking, we shove down our real emotions and paste on fake optimism, which piles on more pressure.
You don’t need to be positive about hard things. You get to feel however you’re feeling without judgment.
Your emotions aren’t the problem. Pretending they don’t exist is.
Feel what you feel. Acknowledge it. Sit with it. That’s not negativity. It’s honest and human.
And honesty is a much better foundation for moving forward than forced positivity ever can be.
When You’re Not in the Mood (But It Still Needs Doing)
I almost didn’t go to Park Run last Saturday.
Which is unusual for me – I usually love it. But that morning? I had nothing. No enthusiasm. Just…blah.
We all have those days where we know what needs to be done, but we’re just not feeling it. The question is: what do you do when motivation has left the building?
Three Approaches That Work
1. Force It
Make yourself do it through sheer determination. It can work, but you’ve got limited willpower – use it with discretion.
2. Reconnect With Your Why
Remind yourself why you’re doing this. Why does staying active matter? Why is that project important?
This is powerful because it actually feels good. When you remember why something matters, the energy often follows.
But sometimes even your ‘why’ doesn’t shift the blah. That’s when you need a different approach.
3. Notice the Resistance, Then Do It Anyway
This is where the magic happens.
Notice the monkey chatter: ‘I’m not in the mood. Maybe tomorrow…’ Then do it anyway.
This sounds like Approach #1, but it’s different. You’re not forcing – you’re just being honest with yourself. You acknowledge the reluctance. You recognise you still want this done.
Then you get to work. You’re not fighting with yourself. You’re simply acknowledging: ‘Yeah, I don’t want to do this today.’
And somehow, that acknowledgment makes it easier to move forward.
The Bottom Line
The goal isn’t to feel motivated all the time. It’s to have tools that work when motivation isn’t there.
Next time you’re struggling to start, try these approaches. See what works.
It’s Not Selfish to Ask…
Ever hesitate before asking for something you want? Maybe it’s suggesting dinner at the restaurant you’d prefer or asking your partner to handle bedtime so you can have an evening to yourself.
There’s often a little voice that whispers: “Stop being selfish.”
Many of us carry this fundamental thought error – that asking for what we want automatically makes us selfish. We’ve learned that our needs should come last.
But here’s the truth: Standing by what you want doesn’t mean you’re selfish. Asking for what you need doesn’t mean you’re selfish. Saying no when others want you to say yes still doesn’t make you selfish.
You know what it actually means? It means you believe your wants matter. You matter.
It means acknowledging your right to ask and receive – just as you naturally offer and give to others.
Ironically, the people who worry most about being selfish are usually the least selfish. The fact that you’re even concerned about it shows you’re naturally considerate – which is literally the opposite of selfish.
The Power of Self-Respect
What if asking for what you want doesn’t make you selfish? What if you’re simply respecting yourself the same way you respect others?
When your friend reschedules coffee because they’re overwhelmed, you don’t think they’re selfish – you think they’re being honest about their needs.
What would change if you started treating yourself with that same respect?
Notice any resistance to these ideas? It might be showing you exactly where you need to give yourself more permission to matter…
The Hidden Cost of Not Deciding
Ever spent weeks agonising over a choice, going round in circles until you’re exhausted?
We recently needed to buy a new fridge and I found myself spiralling into indecision over features like water dispensers and ice makers. I had to hit pause on the decision-making madness.
Here’s the thing about indecision: it feels safe, but it’s actually a choice too – you’re choosing not to choose. While you’re stuck in that mental loop, life keeps moving around you.
Think about it: every decision you make creates momentum. When you finally hit ‘send’ on that job application you weren’t sure about, something shifts. You’re moving forward.
We often hold off on big decisions because we don’t want the pain of choosing wrong. But in avoiding that discomfort, we create a different pain – the exhausting ‘should I or shouldn’t I?’ dialogue that plays on repeat for months.
When you decide not to choose, you’re still choosing where to take your life. To move house or stay put. To end that relationship or keep going. To have kids or remain childless. Not deciding is deciding.
Each choice creates ripples. That job application opens possibilities. The decision to take that morning walk energises your day.
Decision-making is a skill you can improve. Start small – choose lunch without a twenty-minute debate. Pick a movie without endless scrolling.
Your life is the sum of your decisions. Stop waiting for the perfect choice. Sometimes, good enough is perfect.
When Pointing Fingers Point Back: The Hidden Side of Judgement
Ever found yourself dwelling on how unreasonable someone was during an argument?
You replay their words, catalogue their mistakes and build your case for why they were wrong. Meanwhile, your contribution to the conflict conveniently fades into the background.
Sometimes, we can be masters at spotting flaws in others while remaining blind to our own. That colleague who’s “impossible to work with” might show us the very inflexibility we don’t see in ourselves. The friend who “never listens” might reflect our own communication gaps.
Look Inward…Expand Your Perspective
What can be happening? Judging others serves as our psychological shield – it protects us from the discomfort of looking inward. Sometimes, it’s easier to focus on someone else’s shortcomings than acknowledge our role in the argument.
But this habit comes at a cost. When we’re busy building cases against others, we miss opportunities for genuine connection and growth. Those judgements that feel so satisfying in the moment keep us stuck in conflict.
Here’s a powerful practice – the next time you think, “They’re so controlling,” pause and ask, “How might I be controlling in this situation?” If you’re frustrated by someone’s stubbornness, consider where you might be digging in your heels.
This isn’t about taking all the blame but expanding your perspective. By turning judgement into curiosity about yourself and the situation, you create space for understanding rather than accusation.
Sometimes, the person we most need to understand isn’t the one we’re pointing at but the one doing the pointing.
The Hidden Cost of Digital Distraction
Ever caught yourself checking your phone while your friend is mid-story? You’re physically there, but your mind is somewhere else – distracted by that email notification or Instagram alert quietly demanding your attention.
We’re living in an age where our devices promise to keep us connected, but they’re actually pulling us away from life’s most meaningful moments. That dinner with an old friend becomes a blur of half-heard conversations. Your child’s soccer game gets reduced to glimpses between work messages. Even our quiet moments are interrupted by the constant ping of notifications.
What’s the real cost? It’s not just missed conversations or fragmented attention. We’re trading genuine human connection for digital noise. Those seemingly innocent glances at our phones are stealing the very experiences we’ll wish we’d paid more attention to later.
Here’s a simple but powerful strategy:
Create ‘notification-free zones’. Choose specific times or places where your phone goes on ‘Do Not Disturb’. Maybe it’s during dinner, between 6pm and 8 pm, or whenever you’re having coffee with a friend. Start with just one protected space in your day.
It might feel uncomfortable at first –that urge to check your phone won’t disappear overnight (it’s been designed to grab your attention). But you’ll be surprised at how much richer your experiences become when you’re fully present in them.
Sometimes, the best way to stay connected is to disconnect.
Trying New Things
It’s early in the year and many of us feel inspired to try something different in 2025 – whether it’s a hobby, career or passion project.
It can be hard to start something new – it can feel intimidating. When we’re beginners, we stumble, make mistakes and cringe at our first attempts.
And that’s what makes it hard. We judge our performance.
Think of a toddler trying to walk. They pull themselves up, wobble and fall – over and over again. We don’t criticise their progress. We cheer them on and encourage them to try again – to keep going.
Yet, when it comes to ourselves, we’re often our harshest critics. We judge our beginner skills so harshly that it becomes tempting to quit before we truly begin.
Think about something you persevered with – a relationship, a sport, a creative pursuit or a career. What if you had judged yourself based on your first attempts? Would you have stuck with it?
If I graded myself based on my early practice coaching sessions, I would have given up on a career I love. And I would have stayed off the golf course forever.
Remember, where you start doesn’t determine where you will finish. Experts were once beginners too; they just persisted.
So, as you step into something new this year, give yourself the freedom to be a little messy, a little awkward, and a little bad at first. Keep going – you might just surprise yourself with where you end up.
Big Goals, Small Steps
It’s early in the year and many of us are excited about future possibilities, so I wanted to share a common problem my clients experience with goal setting.
We’ve all been there—setting big, ambitious goals only to feel overwhelmed before we even start. The key to success isn’t just having a goal; it’s breaking it down into manageable, actionable steps.
Many of us set lofty goals but forget to make them realistic and doable. Without a plan, even the best intentions can fizzle out.
Taking it One Step at a Time
Instead of just focusing on the finish line, break your goal into small, doable tasks. You’ll feel more in control and make steady progress by:
- Breaking big goals into bite-sized steps.
- Setting realistic deadlines for each task.
- Tracking your progress regularly.
When a goal feels too big, it’s easy to get stuck. But when you break it down, every step forward counts and your momentum builds.
Word of warning: you’ll probably get bored in the middle of breaking it down. It can feel a little tedious. Keep going.
This step-by-step plan you’re creating will protect you from future overwhelm.
Studies have also shown breaking your goals down into smaller, manageable tasks significantly increases the likelihood of success.
Pick one big goal for the year, and then:
- Write out the specific steps needed.
- Assign a deadline for each step.
- Check in with yourself weekly to stay on track.
Taking it one step at a time will give you a clear path to achieving your goals in 2025.
Read more stories from the Sandgate Guide print magazine here:
- Bramble Buzz: Updates from the Community
- Local Author’s Graphic Novel Series Offers Expansive Universe
- From Setback to Success: A Sandgate Hawk’s Journey Back to the Field
- Knit One, Purl One, for Remembrance
- Kid’s Book Club A ‘Bestseller’
- Community Library Opens at Local Mower Store
- Keep Sandgate Beautiful Association Clean – Up Australia Day Event
- From Setback to Success: A Sandgate Hawk’s Journey Back to the Field
- Celebrating a Century
- Council Concept Plan Signals Progress for Brighton Foreshore
- The Love Language Guide to Valentine Gift Giving
- Celebrate Culture and Cuisine at BrisAsia Festival
- Ear Hustle Podcast Review
- Living in History: Bracken Ridge
- Top Tips for Downsizing Your Property
- Top 5 Picks for Best Picture Oscar
